From Yale to Jail

A thirty something Ivy Leaguer keeps the public aware of her opinions on things topical and struggles with multiple demons: alcohol, the law and remaining effortlessly hip in a changing world.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Take this job and shove it.

I am tired of asking why I am so lonely and feel so depressed. Why do I ask when it is so obvious that I have no friends and have no life? That sounds pathetic but I really don't. I go a week at a time without leaving the house. I then only leave to go to doctors or go out and get drunk. All my feelings that have been numbed by my antipsychotics and antidepressants come tumbling out when I toss alcohol on them but then I get so wasted I can't remember them. I cannot remember the last time my husband hugged me or kissed me. It's 5am and I just asked him if he ever planned to change, if he ever was going to try to work on our relationship. He said no, that he has given up. I give up too.

10 Comments:

  • At 9:52 AM, Blogger Brittany said…

    bikipatra,Hello there :) Thanks for signing my comments. Wow me and you can relate so much. I also try to stay in the house as much as possible. I do have friends but i dont treat them as my friends and I even loss many friends in the pass because they didnt understand what i am going through. I don't want to be like this but i guess god wanted me to be depressed and lonely all the times.... i guess ican blame god for this but... I need to fix this on my own. We all have problems... each one of us. Im so sorry for whats going on between you and your husband... maybe you guys need to seek some marriage counseling? I hope things goes as best for you :)
    Brittany

     
  • At 12:14 PM, Blogger Stewed Slacker said…

    Wow, you lead an intriguing life. Seems like you spend a fair amount of time blogging. Academic Decathlon and Lincoln-Douglas debate were my favorite things to do in high-school, but alas, those days are gone. Good luck on whatever you need luck with.

     
  • At 12:43 PM, Blogger trickgnosis said…

    How to respond to someone else's suffering, especially at such a distance? I don't know. I wish I had some helpful words of wisdom, but as someone who's been in similarly wretched states, I am wary of anything too pithy. I hope things get better.

     
  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger n.v. said…

    Bikipatra, if you want to vent, talk, solve problems, please add me to your MSN and I'll be happy to lend you my digital shoulder/ear.

    Hugs to you

     
  • At 2:27 AM, Blogger Cherry said…

    bikipatra... sorry for the late reply. didnt realise that you commented on my blog. whats wrong hun? maybe you just need a break, some time for yourself. try to get marriage counselling i guess. you can work it out.. if you need anything just find me ok? i'll try my best to help. smooch~

    answering your question, my fave indo dish is sate padang [a kind of satay from sumatra island]

     
  • At 5:07 AM, Blogger Heath said…

    Hugs

     
  • At 4:43 PM, Blogger Jane said…

    i have destroyed or ignored many windows of opporotunity in the past and i certainly will cherish this one and milk it for all its worth. i don't know if i can do this much longer. i feel myself becoming less sane everyday.

     
  • At 5:47 PM, Blogger d2ana said…

    Hello--
    I've followed your blog for a while. It interests me because (like you) I'm an educated woman with an addiction. This is the first time I've seen you mention a job; do you work from home? Or are you referring to your job as a wife? Sorry for being nosy...

     
  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger bikipatra said…

    Oh sorry, I just noticed your question! I was referring to my job as Suzy the Disordered Homemaker. And I do mean "disordered"! Oh my, a little diagnostic manual humor!

     
  • At 5:38 AM, Blogger ShellyP said…

    Just read all your posts. I'm not a counselor, just a concerened blogger. I don't know anything about your situation and I'm not good at giving advice. I only have two questions for you. Why ask your husband if he's going to change? Are you planning to change?

     

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